Theme
7:14pm July 22, 2014
camsfarts:

College students

camsfarts:

College students

7:13pm July 22, 2014

Actual Quotes from my Dad (An English Teacher)

  • Dad: Why the hell did you put a comma there?
  • Dad: Do you even know what a participial phrase is?
  • Dad: Omg. He's like my favorite character of all time.
  • Dad: Who should I dress up as for the movie premier?
  • Dad: Hey are you awak? I know it's late, but you read Animal Farm, right? Yeah. I need you to read this report. I can't tell if I am just super tired or if this is actual bullshit.
  • Dad: Alesha wouldn't be able to spell 'definitely' right if wrote it down for her. She would fucking erase it and then write 'defiantly', because she doesn't care. I hate her.
  • Dad: I need you to bake brownies. I lost a bet.
  • Dad: Omg. You cannot ship me with Gilcher. You know I don't like tattoos and he's like twenty-five. And for Christ's sake, he teaches math.
  • Dad: Omg. Gilcher said the funniest thing today.
  • Dad: Mrs. Ashworth and I have decided to start a band. It'll be called Great Expectations.
  • Dad: It's like you didn't read the fucking book.
  • Dad: Okay. So this week you're reading this book I stole from Mrs. Ashworth's. It's like sixty pages long, but you'll love it.
  • Dad: *puts books on my bed for me to read everyday and demands that I read them*
  • Dad: My son doesn't like reading. I have not only failed him, but society. You aren't my son. Leave.
  • Dad: Okay. So you're getting books for Christmas. All of you. I get discounts on them since I'm a teacher, and since I'm a teacher, it's all I can afford, so...
  • Dad: Fucking standardized testing can go fuck itself in the ass.
  • Dad: I have to teach for the required testing instead of what they really need to know.
  • Dad: Fuck the government.
  • Dad: Fuck the school board.
  • Dad: Close the door.
  • Dad: Charles Dickens was so fucking pretentious, and I hate him, but he also caused change, but he's such a Dick. Ha. DICKens.
  • Dad: I love puns.
  • Dad: People who say sarcasm is the lowest form of humor are assholes.
  • Dad: Please shut up.
  • Dad: Catching Fire was the worst book but the best movie and that feels weird.
  • Dad: I wouldn't get so mad when you call me at school if you didn't change your ringtones to inappropriate rap music.
  • Dad: I fucking hate Alesha. She asked what countries were a part of Austria-Hungary today and I almost told her to get out.
  • Dad: You cannot visit my school in a dress that short. There are boys there.
  • Dad: Barbara Parks is fucking Queen.
  • Dad: I need you to make me a good, relaxing playlist for silent reading. I'm too lazy.
  • Dad: If I have to watch two of my students grind on each other at one more dance, I will kill them both.
  • Dad: They act like I care what they think.
  • Dad: I hate homework.
  • Dad: I have decided to become a politician.
  • Dad: What's the one book with the guys and the one kills the other and the chick without a name who dies and the short angry man? Mouseman? Oh my fucking gosh. Of Mice and Men. I have failed.
7:12pm July 22, 2014
spatscolombo:

trekwaffle:

spatscolombo:

Can you imagine being up for court marital in front of these dudes and their space-bell of justice
knowing they’re the best command team in Starfleet
knowing their combined rhetorical powers have caused like fifteen computers to self-destruct
knowing they’re almost definitely playing footsie under the table

court marital = best freudian slip??
best freudian slip

AAAAAAHAutocorrect ships it

spatscolombo:

trekwaffle:

spatscolombo:

Can you imagine being up for court marital in front of these dudes and their space-bell of justice

knowing they’re the best command team in Starfleet

knowing their combined rhetorical powers have caused like fifteen computers to self-destruct

knowing they’re almost definitely playing footsie under the table

court marital = best freudian slip??

best freudian slip

AAAAAAH

Autocorrect ships it

7:09pm July 22, 2014
vivalasgomez:

This is how I will enter rooms from now on

vivalasgomez:

This is how I will enter rooms from now on

7:08pm July 22, 2014

“You can’t stop the rock!”

— our bard, after jamming so hard she killed a guy (via outofcontextdnd)
7:07pm July 22, 2014

skeleton-on-the-internet:

iguanamouth:

youre gonna look so godamn cool

Can confirm that there was a great demon war in skeleton hell.

You will laugh as they attempt to harm you, but much to their dismay…

You have DR/5 bludgeoning.

4:22pm July 22, 2014
margaretthemagicdragon:

Feeling cute today so here’s a picture
ignore the crazy hair

Your milkshake brought this boy to your tumblr. Also I checked the calendar, and it appears that there is no specific day that you should feel cute. I would recommend you celebrate year-round. 
dat hair tho

margaretthemagicdragon:

Feeling cute today so here’s a picture

ignore the crazy hair

Your milkshake brought this boy to your tumblr. Also I checked the calendar, and it appears that there is no specific day that you should feel cute. I would recommend you celebrate year-round. 

dat hair tho

11:40pm July 20, 2014
mrpicard:

danabromowitz:

he’s smooching everything. geordi is crying

mrpicard:

danabromowitz:

he’s smooching everything. geordi is crying

11:39pm July 20, 2014

somewhereno-oneknows:

shes clearly smoking some stronger shit if her fucking dog is talking to her

"Marijuana made me jump out a window and bite a dog." - Magazine

"Where can I get that dog biting shit?" - Me

11:28pm July 20, 2014
lindsaychrist:

prestoflauto:

troyesivan:

lindsaychrist:

gabriella13702:

lindsaychrist:

strawberryzachary:

lindsaychrist:

i put jergens natural glow on one part of my arm to see what would happen and now i regret it

Wow she really needs to shave her legs

im a fucking man #whyineedfeminism

I just need whatever u put on your arm… I don’t tan at all… Ever.

i literally said what it was

this post is such a fucking mess

Is no one going to talk about the perfect rectanglular shape this thing makes on her arm

i already said i was a man why is this still happening

lindsaychrist:

prestoflauto:

troyesivan:

lindsaychrist:

gabriella13702:

lindsaychrist:

strawberryzachary:

lindsaychrist:

i put jergens natural glow on one part of my arm to see what would happen and now i regret it

Wow she really needs to shave her legs

im a fucking man #whyineedfeminism

I just need whatever u put on your arm… I don’t tan at all… Ever.

i literally said what it was

this post is such a fucking mess

Is no one going to talk about the perfect rectanglular shape this thing makes on her arm

i already said i was a man why is this still happening